I’m sorry I can’t be there with you. I’m sorry I can’t drive to pick you up and get coffee. I’m sorry I can’t sit on the couch with you and watch mindless shows on Bravo together and drown out the voice in your head.
I don’t know all the pain you have endured already, but I know it has to be insurmountable to have brought you to this point. I just want to scream at your negative thoughts and tell them they are wrong. Present them with a PowerPoint with all the reasons your life matters.
I know you know the truth deep down inside, but I know all the pain has clouded those reasons. I know the pain is so heavy on your heart. I am all the way across the country and I can feel it.
It’s so unfair.
It’s so unfair to know nothing but pain. It’s so unfair watching while you are struggling.
I know all these feelings so well and you are not alone. I am in this state with you. I know the nights are endless. I know the face you show the world is a mask.
I wish I could promise you the pain will go away; I know you just want to make it go away. But I can’t promise this.
Even if the physical pain disappears, the mental scars may remain.
I was close to where you are now, and it terrified me. I just spent nights crying myself to sleep and waking up crushed by how much life I still had to live out. I finally found the light when I gave up on this world in favour of another.
I’m referring to the quote “change your thinking, change your world.” I was so damn miserable and so tired of feeling so miserable, I literally forced myself to think the opposite of what was making me so miserable.
Every insult hurled into the mirror ricocheted a compliment back in my direction. Forced niceties eventually became a habit. That’s not to say I’m cured of my depression. Truth be told, I don’t think I will ever be free from the grips of depression. But I found meaning in the pain.
Your life has meaning, and you will find it. You may have a life you didn’t expect, but that does not make you a waste or a failure.
You inspire everyone you meet and your fight will have people holding on in theirs.
I believe in my heart and soul we can be a beacon of hope for others. I believe they meant you to be a light this world needs. Be kind to yourself. You are doing the best you can. I hope we reach the day when you look into the mirror and see yourself as the warrior you are.
Written by Randy Jacobs